I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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