when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
