Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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