the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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