oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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