Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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