would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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