put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
