I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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