I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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