if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
