if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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