I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
