Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
