Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
