New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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