I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
