Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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