So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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