He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
