Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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