Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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