Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize