just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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