Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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