I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
