it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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