Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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