I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
