You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
