You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
