When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
