My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
