You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
