I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
