On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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