D3 body, D1 cock
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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