Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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