My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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