He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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