Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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