Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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