You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
