honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
