I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
