so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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