i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
