his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
