Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
