You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
