I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
