She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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