life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
