ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sarcasm needs its own font
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
