he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
