You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
