My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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