You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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