FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
