Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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