Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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