I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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