If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
