somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
