I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
