I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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