Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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