Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone came in the potted fern
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
