I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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