I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
