It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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