he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
