it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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